Hey Extraordinary
ex·traor·di·nar·y
/ikˈstrôrd(ə)nˌerē,ˌekstrəˈôrdnˌerē/
adjective
very unusual or remarkable.
"the extraordinary plumage of the male"
My personal definition of extraordinary is to be free from the constraints of society that makes us feel like our only option is to be ordinary.
When I was young I made the decision that what I wanted to be when I grew up was extraordinary. What did extraordinary mean to my adolescent mind at the time? To be special. To be the exception to the rule. I fought with a vengeance to not be held back because of what society said I should be. A young Black, fat midwestern girl with big dreams. I wanted to live a life that wasn’t stifled by grown up obligations. I wanted to do something different.
I look back at this now and think it’s so interesting how I lived in the dichotomy of trying to do everything in my power to not stick out and also was an overachiever. This manifested in me trying to downplay my Blackness and the size of my body. I made myself smaller and more palatable. I wanted to be accepted. No, I wanted to be loved. Not because I wasn’t loved by my family, but because I wasn’t loved by myself. So I wanted to soak up all the love and admiration from everyone and everything outside of me. Assimilation was the name of the game. Now as I live in this 36th year of life, I’m breaking down and questioning every single part of why I am me. What ways have white supremacy, fatfobia, and patriarchy informed how I view myself and what I believe is available to me in my life. I'm reinvesting in myself and breaking all those old agreements. Most importantly I’m leaning in to all those parts of me that are truly extraordinary and no longer hiding them.